Fucking in the time of recession

Just reading an article in the New Zealand Listener about how the bedroom is taking a hit because of the recession. Odd, since sex is technically free (but, if you're a single man, you know that just isn't true). According to said article, "1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men believe financial stress is having a detrimental effect on their love life."

But why? Hold on. Let me put my theory hat on.

As mentioned parenthetically above, if you're single this makes sense:
Man with less money + woman with fewer presents = maybe sex, but definitely no blowjob.

But beside this obvious fact, lies the complexity of human sexuality. Sex drive has much to do with hormones and biological drive, but that doesn't mean that confidence lost because of financial hardship, and stress and anxiety gained because of it don't play into the boner equation. Among women, it's been researched and found (by neurobiologist Louanne Brizendine) that the emotional center of the brain - the amygdala - is crucial to orgasm. If this part of the brain is engaged with thoughts about money problems it can completely inhibit a woman's ability to cum. Regarding men, research has shown that women find a man who can protect and provide to be among the most sexually appealing.

I used to have a phone sex client named Bernard. He had made a fortune during the dot-com boom, married a gorgeous wife, sex was great, had three kids, got her a boob job, even got her that vagina rejuvenation procedure (where your vagina is surgically tightened, sometimes called re-virginization), sex was greater and then he lost all his money. That was when he started calling me... the sex stopped when her credit cards maxed. She refused to take care of their kids and starting fucking his friend, going on drinking binges and becoming belligerent. I was sort of his therapist.

Extreme example, but I think it shows that sometimes we're not exactly aware of what factors play into our relationships or sex lives. Bernard didn't know that his wife only married him for his money (even though everyone else probably knew), but money problems can bring latent relationship issues to the fore.

Maybe this recession is a blessing in disguise! Maybe this is the perfect time for your unemployed ass to find your soul mate, a person who wants you for you. Or maybe it's time to invest in a porn site subscription, save money by masturbating more, skip eating out and teach yourself the 101 ways to use a crockpot.