He Said/She Said Review: Vibrating Panties

Sigh. Valentine's Day just wouldn't be the same without sex toys, would it? My original plans for my brand new Remote Control Fantasy Panties was to head to the nearest Starbucks, put the remote control on a random table, and attach a post-it note that said "This controls a pair of panties with a vibrator inside of them: do the right thing." I thought it would be some great performance art or something.

Instead, Sam and I headed to the mountains for V-day, and as with any trip into nature, we got diiiirt-ay. We had just shared a bath, and I decided to surprise him with my naughty underroos! Much fun ensued, but you're not here to read about the sloppy personal details; you're here for the review.

Virgie Said: Overall, I give the vibrating panties an A-
They gained points in
Category 1 = Comfort: They are thong-style panties, which I'm typically not a fan of, but they weren't skimpy and the material settled securely on me. I chose the plus size version of the panties, which was a good choice. The adjustable velcro made them roomy and easy to put on (and take off). As I always say: Life is hard enough, my vibrating panties should be comfortable.
Category 2 = Cuteness: They come in black and have a textured, faux animal print on them. It reminded me of those cute Hallmark cards that have fuzzy animals on them. It adds character.
Category 3 = Completeness: They came with all the batteries needed for the vibrating egg and the remote control (total: 3). They also included lube and toy cleaner, which was very nice of the manufacturer.
Category 4 = Pleasure: Yummy vibration! There's only 1 setting, but the vibration was pretty intense (for an egg vibe) = Me likey.
Category 5 = Value: I say they're worth $36. This is definitely a "novelty" quality toy (so I wouldn't recommend that you buy these if you're a remote control panty queen and want to use them all day every day), but they add fun to an otherwise "eh" Tuesday night fuck.
They lost points in
Category 6 = Ease of Use. I had a pretty hard time getting the vibrating egg into its rubber pocket in the crotch of the panties (but to be fair, the panties do come with lube, so you could probably put a couple drops on the egg for better slippage).

Sam Said: All in all it is pretty hard to find anything bad to say about a toy that enables you to pleasure your foxy lady without having to put down your cigarette. And the vibrating panties are nothing if not low maintenance as, once you have put the batteries in the right way round and flicked the switch, there is noting left to do but sit back and listen to your partner's satisfied moans and squeaks of pleasure. While this is all sorts of awesome, I can imagine it losing its appeal pretty quickly, at laest to the one not wearing them, and I could wish the panties were a tad, perhaps even a smidge, more interactive - a choice of speeds for example (preferably, high, ‘oh my god’ and nose bleed) would have been nice – but only in the same way that I wish that all foot paths were carpeted and lampposts were made of milk chocolate. There is of course only so much vibrating horse power that can be fitted into a egg, which can in turn be fitted to panties, and within the limitations of the form these panties are just about flawless, and would make the perfect romantically nasty present, being both sexy just as naughty panties and being a fun, hot and nut-busting, but not threatening sex toy. Even the textured egg covering, while rubber, black and bigger than you would expect, looks almost exactly like a rubber raspberry and is thus cute rather than intimidating. If however you want intimidating, the panties are well, and thoughtfully enough designed to allow them used as a sinful addition to any number of deviant and delicious indulgences.

As such I would recommend them to almost any man, whether he is trying to win the heart of a new maiden fair, or just looking for a sweet and sexy gift for his Soul mate. With this in mind, I’m giving them an easy nine and only withhold the perfect ten because I don’t do tens for anything that doesn’t actually irreversibly raise the bar on sex.

Virgie Said: Mmmm... God, I love vibrators :)