"I do" is the sound of the soul leaving the vagina

After watching Revolutionary Road, I've decided to write a much belated marriage-bashing blog. Ok, so I'm 26, and I guess the marriage+baby self-induced anguish is abreast. We live in interesting times indeed. We're in the midst of a great human transition: the transition between babies meaning free slaves and babies meaning 25 year fiscal commitment. And I can't tell you how much this has fucked with our culture as we know it. Marriage as it (sort of) exists today originated in ancient Rome, where your wife was just one of the many women you porked, but the only one whose son was going to get all your shit. Today, it's supposed to mean romance, commitment... tax breaks (and maybe Prop 8 has given it a newly invigorated homophobic tinge too. Ah, smell that sweet American oppression). I guess I'm a bit irked by the pervasive pro-marriage, pro-baby propaganda I feel inundated by. Enormous decisions are minimized and then normalized by the folks who happen to own most of the wealth and media power in the country. Blah blah blah.. conspiracy theory.. blah blah. Ok, back to good old marriage bashing, Now, if you're going to get married, the least you can do it not have a big wedding. I can give you 3 reasons right now why you shouldn't have a wedding: 1. it costs a lot (take just the invitation money alone and you can buy yourself a trip to Fresno). 2. your cousin, Chonita, who swears that she (and Jesus) wish you the best, is going to tell everyone that you got felt up before the big day, which is true, but damn, you can't not invite her because then she'll spread a rumor that you're a witch and the actual reason behind so-and-so's infertility (maybe that's just in Mexican families). and 3. that fillet mignon you want to serve so you look all bad ass is, like, $28 a plate, and you don't know anyone who deserves a free $30 meal as far as you remember, right?